Put those beef-curious thoughts to bed.
Beef-curious? Keep scrolling.
Umm... What?
Get Some
Tender Sheets
Perfect for...
Scroll down here!
Give In To Your
Carnivorous Temptations
*This is not real. The Bedtime Beef Council is not a real organization.
"Beef is what's for bedtime." - Samuel Eakes
"I've always wanted to sneak a steak but never had the courage ...Until now!"- Customer
"Beef Sheets are pushing the limits of cognitive science to an incomprehensible (and irreprehensible) place."- Len Silkes, PhD.
Countless Vegan-Friendly Features... And More!
- Looks like beef
- Is not beef
- Extremely low thread count
- Sheet scent / slippery
- Salient
- Luxurious and "Soft"
- Compatible with any Queen-sized bed
- Decidedly unencumbered by societal convention
CATCH SOME Sssssss's
If your beef-curious thoughts are keeping you up at night, we've got the perfect sleep aid: Meatless Dreams, over an hour of the soothing white-hot noise of sizzling Steak-umm… to sleep to.
All our compact discs of Meatless Dreams are currently sold out but you can listen to the whole thing right here.
Don't Wait. Act Now!
Don't spend another night without beef in your sheets.
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Beef Sheets FAQ
Are these real?
100%. Do you really think we'd spend our marketing budget to make a commercial about a product we aren't actually selling?
Are beef sheets made of beef?
Excellent question. While Steak-umm beef sheets (the ones sold in the freezer aisle) are made of 100% real beef, Steak-umm Beef Sheets for your bed (the ones we're talking about on this website) are made from a high-quality poly-synthetic fabric that is 100% vegan-friendly.
Where can I buy beef sheets?
Right here. Next question.
Are you worried about upsetting people who've gone meatless?
No.
Why Not?
Well, by definition they won't be buying Steak-umm, will they? Plus, Steak-umm Beef Sheets were actually made to help those people. It was all in the video...
I didn't watch the video. How do I know if Steak-Umm beef sheets are for me?
That's easy. While our Beef Sheets are perfect for a variety of meatless eaters — vegans, vegetarians, fruitarians, flexitarians, ovo-lacto-pescatarians and more — they're also perfect for fathers & mothers, friends, people you know on the internet but haven't met in real life, colleagues who've tempted you with a plant-based burger, or anyone who could use a good night's sleep.
How do I wash Steak-Umm beef sheets?
Wow you really didn't watch the videos did you? Please do that.
What if I'm not ready to confront my beef-curious thoughts?
It's natural to be a little beef-curious, but it's equally natural to feel anxiety about these complex emotions. The best advice we could give you is to explore those thoughts. You'll feel cognitive dissonance either way, and to quote an old saying: you'll never know until you try.
Are there any actual experts who have advice on this?
Yes, here are just a few examples we found very quickly:
"The dissonance that arises out of the meat paradox generates a negative interpersonal state, which then motivates an individual to find the means to alleviate it."
Bristol: Channel View Publications.
"A craving is different from hunger in that it is more directed to a specific food, taste or texture. A craving results in more radical behavior — the motivation to follow the sensation is stronger."
